My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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