I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
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so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
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They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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