Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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