well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
