I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
