i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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