No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
