it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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