I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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