Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
