Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize