nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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