Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
