so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just invented taco cereal.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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