Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
