Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
