I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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