Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
