the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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