Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
