I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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