either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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