I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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