Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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