Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize