Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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