I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize