I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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