I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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