Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My life is pants optional.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
