Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
