Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
