So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
A+ Viking dick
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
