the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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