is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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