The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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