we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
a search helicopter?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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