and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
my penis made a compromise with my morals
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
