New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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