The maid of honor just puked.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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