Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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