bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she smelled like a LAN party
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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