She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
