i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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