Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
