Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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