god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
