I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
