you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just gift wrapped bread.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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