I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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