my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
