Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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