I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
