I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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