Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
