I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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