I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
