i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
