After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
